LOL.this is what happened soon after =p HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOR! have a happy xmas and eve guys!

lol. this is the ginger bread man helen gave to me. thanks, 1st pressie this yr. though sound pathetic that its my 1st lah.lol. =D thanks!

lets just cancel the previous entries. i was thick skinned lah. i dont have neither loads nor brains. sigh. im a slow starter, still a long way. im like a hundred notches behind people, not wanting to compare to my year. just by comparing me to this year's RI and RGS (girls dammit! i hate losing to girls lah, esp younger than me.though they are the brainy sex. i admit im lil mcp at times.) shucks, 18 yr old cant be comapred to a mere 16 yrold kid?

not to say jc students. yea, i will have a hard time ahead to bridge the gap. gay, i'd say.

gees. im just a dark star. jinx-ed. though im dark, i hope i shone rays of hope into ppl's life. i aint giving up just yet. =D

so much so much so much.so much to do. sigh.

i wondered, pondered, dreamed, wished, yearned. u name it i done it.

my life seem good to many huh? everyone's life seems good i suppose. how i wished i dont have the life i have now. i led a charmed jinx life. bless with brains and looks above average i suppose. but what i got in exchange of that? fail relationships, not fitting in with the masses, outcasted. boredom and loneliness probably ruled 99% of my life. all i can do to entertain myself, creating illusions. im tired of this urban lifestyle cos i never fit in. its a world of dog eat dog. i dont know who are people i can trust, make friends with. even if i tried, i never succeed. everyone just makes use of me. im there for them - always. even readers of my blog, havent you?

so easy to deny it. let me ask you, did you remember my birthday? bought my birthday present? bought chritmas presents? called me on gatherings, ask me out?

not that i say im asking much lah, but all i want is that thought. but it never did exsist. maybe u will think in your mind "you never also". i did in my mind. sometimes i tried, i fail or at times, i dont even get the chance to.

there might be souls, one of them. lisa.

maybe im not good enough for any of you.







FUCK THE WORLD.

yawn. life ahead for the oncoming week will be rather hectic.sian, gotta be so damn exhuasted. damn, have to stop exercising to rush up my projects i guess, my body gonna plummet again. sigh.

"love does not come to those who dont take action" this simple quote from a retarded serial seem pretty true as i might say. as yes, it will definitely apply to me i suppose.

tons of thoughts randomly wandering in the deep recess of my heart, my soul... my mind. alot of things are waiting to be done, i dont know where to start, or maybe, whether to start anot. im not oblige, but it concerns how i am going to live in my future. am i able to conjure up enough courage and will power to brave through all odds? i wonder if my iq can match mere mortals, im hoping im a prodigy.

since young i had a thing for maths and english. i breeze through my years. till i started to screwed everything inside out. LOL, i got myself owned. and now im convinced that im just normal. i got a superb memory, extraordinary ability to absorb, but sigh, my logical side seem to plummet to pits. darn, im just getting retarded as the days go by. HELP. i need to diversify all aspects. never would i expect to kill so many aspects of me not continue-ing honing myself. sigh. sigh. i fallen so much behind.

i wasted 13 years and yes, slower by 13 years of ppl of my age. i will not be able to catch up i suppose, even if im able to attain that level, i'd be prolly 50+ years old? too late...too late.

F**K it. i dont wanna give it a damn. even if im deluding myself, i dont care! im a prodigy! MUAHAHA. wo shi tian cai! seeing myself lagged behind, it fuels me to propel even hastier and sturdier.


lol.disorganised thoughts, but its still wad remains in me. heh. sorry if its absurd.

WOOO. WOOO. A A C C. my results. i didnt FAIL ANY. goddam. i knew it. everyone got Ds. i didnt study. sweatin and pissing in my pants for nothing. WOOOOOO.those who thought i nv pass my tpsw. i GOT AN A. a proof man, my english reign supreme still. u are POONED, nub pies =D

yawn, update?


kinda lazy.


everyone ard got their lifes.


i remain here.


yawn.


gotta get fried soon enough.


clubbing this friday?? perhaps.


help.


im dead.

hmmm. panda is my SUPER DUPER YUMMILIOUS buddy. yes, no chance of us being an item. no worries. dont mistaken for anything. =D

christmas. anyone wants to go for a date ?

peace out. got my digi cam, cant wait to upload TONS of pics. wee.

a cheetah nv changes its spots.

well. i'd say u didnt ruin anything its just that i failed yea? i see u falling into a hole and getting engrossed totally. finally u are looking ard instead of paying attention to the "thrill". its my bad that i rushed perhaps. im not like others and im sure u know it better than most. im easy. just tell me u want to take it slow. i mean, its okay. we can chill. just take it to the pace u want. im easy. lifes short, we need to maximise it. rest and enjoy.

hope EVERYTHING is cleared now. =)

i'll respect your decision if you think its better to not contact me anymore <- damn, u hand back the decision to me? so mean! *pouts

which is good because you wont have to get hurt by my cold and heartless words again <- the words arent. it was cos it was u.

take time off to heal,and forget the past <- my scars and wounds aint by u. its by this earthly piece of shit. no worries =D i wont be aloysius if im dead so easily xD plus. if i forget my past i will forget who am i. heal? it wont heal, wounds i have turn to scars. i dont know to apply medicine ma =
thanks for the beautiful memories.
thanks for the effort.
thanks for the advices and encouragements.
thanks for being my friend.
thanks for being more than a friend.
thanks for spicing up my life.
thanks for waking me up from my senses.
thanks for the things you did.
thanks for being so observant.
thanks for your surprises.

and thanks for making my life once so beautiful.

GAWD. i where got so good. want to make my head swell and burst? T.T btw, dont remortalise me. im immortal! muahahahahahaha. goodness gracious. my mind gone crazy. lol. i know whats the reason but i wont say what it is. well, panda.

what are buddy for? panda and sugarcan is unique. dont play play. LOL.

random thoughts is running through. slowed and fastworded in motion.i lead a charmed jinx life. amazingly, im alive so i can be tormented mortally i suppose.

i never changed. you thought i had. your thoughts flashed, gaining easy entry. overwriting those memories and traces of me being erased due to some simple assumptions conjured at the back of your brain. i really got no comments. i dont even want to make snide remarks or whatever to put myself in the favourable lights or to delude myself that its okay. i never change, perhaps i had; in due words - matured. the only changed i got was to stop evading life. that was it and i dont see it adversly affect anyone as deep inside i knew i havent showed it to anyone.

i agreed i tried to "socialise", it looked like i succeeded. but i failed miserably. whos knows about it? me. and now, im even more reluctant to open up to anyone. upped my barrier. extremely anti-social. i know im no superman. everyone knows. i wearing a clay mask, i need to mantain it now and then. to form that smooth surface. whenever turmoils sets in, i need days to nurse the cracks on the mask. everyone needs. no? but i know i need.

"yes i've changed cos i dont know where our friendship stands". WOW. biggest jolt of my time. certainly. i wouldnt want to carry on as tears are brimming my eyes. i dont cry. i wont.

Panda. i wont contact u anymore. im sorry. the day u grace yourself with the answer of where our friendship stand, look me up.till then. i'll be by the shadows.

grey areas in life.
its everywhere.
theres no hiding.
so here i am.

question of the day:: can anyone tell me, what are friendships? what are friends.

im tired. extremely dead-beat. drained. im hanging by the moment. need some air. it might be some time that i might blog. though there are tons to blog about, i just am too affected to blog it. take cares guys.

im sick out of the blue. i was healthy till i sleep at 6 am yst. sigh. no gym. GREAT.

JESUS. despite having to limit the people knowing my site. there is still MOFOS lingering around. jeez. if u got guts, take me down in a verbal confrontation dude, i'll even give u a handicap. THAT is how much i look down at u man, will, as least im a trend setter? or what? someone wants to impose me, amazing. lol.

well, pathetic i deem. shall set a password too so it'd be off for random readers and yea, outsiders.

sorry angeline, u got affected too.

see no point hurling a barrage of words. its a insult to even to idiots as this mere mortal attempt to ruffle up my feathers. shall be merciful to sure ghetto dogs as my mother say i must be forebearing towards retards. heh. plus, he succeeds if i get angry. heh. i wont succumb to u. well, if u got what it takes. JUST BRING IT. im waiting for someone to crash me.

sigh, see. earth is filled with unworthy mortals. PERISH u faggots! muahahaha.

for the sake of world peace i deleted the entry in the tag, i want my taggy to be pristine.=D
heres his ip and what he tagged.

aloy
202.156.6.19
wow!!!.!! im the biggest son of a bitch of all time.! my penis is only half an inch! help me! my balls are shrinking! helped!30 November 2005, 15:09 [GMT]

and here yours truely ip.

aloy220.255.79.148
tsk tsk. im bored.30 November 2005, 19:03 [GMT]

a lil taggie is residing here ;)